Do Not Try This At Home

I obviously cannot multi-task.

“I can’t talk right now,” I said to my younger daughter when she called Sunday night. “Apparently I’m having a fire.”

Of course, she completely understood as I explained to her that the roll of paper towels I’d put on the dining-room chandelier to dry out had started to glow and smell like a campfire when I forgot it was there and turned on the lights. It was on the chandelier because it had gotten damp under the kitchen sink and I wanted a safe place to dry it out because I am too frugal (cheap?) to throw away a perfectly good roll of paper towels. The paper towels were under the kitchen sink instead of out on the counter where normal people keep their paper towels because if a roll of paper towels is left out in our house the cats immediately attack it and reduce it to shreds since obviously paper towels are a Major Threat in Cat World. The roll had gotten damp because I had over-enthusiastically washed dishes and water dripped down the cabinets and into the under-sink area. Ironically, of course, I had to douse the smoldering paper-towel roll in the very same sink and throw it away after all. So there you go. And luckily my husband was watching TV (football, of course) and didn’t notice — or I would have had some explaining to do.

Naturally, the thing that really disturbs me about this whole episode is not that I’d forgotten the paper-towel roll was on the chandelier when I turned the lights on or that my husband was so engrossed in TV he didn’t notice smoke but that my daughter was not surprised any of this happened. To me.

Sunday Morning Papers and Coffee

I believe it’s time to start going through the stack of newspapers that seems to pile up at our house whenever we slack off from reading them every day. Plus, since my husband and I both work with newspapers — although he’s an actual boss/editor and I’m just a lowly writer — we pick up papers everywhere we go, from the freebie weeklies to the weighty Sunday editions. I’m embarrassed to tell you that this is a mere couple weeks’ collection, not counting our local dailies we read and recycle pretty regularly. I just hate to get rid of any paper or magazine we bring in the house because I might miss something important. At least when I made coffee this morning in the iffy stovetop espresso maker — sometimes it works the way it should and sometimes not, although I think when it doesn’t that it’s more a matter of user error than anything else — I got some nice foam for my cappuccino, so I think I’ll pour a cup in the pretty red coffee mug my friend Jana gave me this week and sit down and start reading papers. Until it’s time to go to church.

And here’s the other thing about this morning here in northwest Alabama: It’s cool outside! If I had to be out for any length of time right now, I’d have to wear a sweater. It’s not even 60 degrees. This is big news around here. Even though the weekend football games were hot and humid, cool mornings are definitely progress. I’ll pour another cup of coffee to that!

Mountain Time

                                                                                               My daughter’s in-laws live on a mountain (OK — I guess it’s only a really really big hill, comparatively speaking) in northwest Alabama. I love going to visit — you can see why. Thankfully, they consider me part of the family, so I get to go often!

Family Guys

Grandson Nolan Thomas Behel with grandfathers Buddy Behel, left, and John Pitts, right, during a Labor Day family cookout. Adorable, right? What a lucky little guy Nolan is to have these men — and others — as role models in his life. Sort of makes you feel good about the future, doesn’t it?

Seen and Heard

Near downtown Florence, Ala., this morning — I saw newly reelected incumbent mayor Bobby Irons walking along a busy city street, in full business attire, picking up his own campaign signs. It sort of made me wish I lived in his town so I could have voted for him.

At the car dealership in Florence yesterday — I was waiting for my car to be given the OK after its oil change and other scheduled maintenance when three older (70s? 80s?) women in perfectly coifed hair and perfectly pressed pantsuits joined me in the waiting area. Apparently they were lifelong Florence residents and lifelong friends. One was the driver and the other two had come along for the car repair. Anyway, of course we all got to talking, although I mainly eavesdropped … I mean, listened. One topic of conversation was the “hobos” who would stop by their houses when they were little and ask for food. “Times were hard then, but my mama always cooked extra for the hobos,” one woman said. “She’d put extra sweet potatoes and cornbread in the stove pipe to stay warm and then when one would stop by, she’d put him at the table, get out a plate and feed him with the food she’d saved.” Another of the trio nodded in agreement. “Yes,” she said, “those stovepipes were the original microwaves!”

Recently in Birmingham, Alabama — My college-student daughter said that during conversation with a counselor who was an older woman (60s?), my daughter had to adjust her skirt as she stood up because her slip was showing. The woman asked her, “Are you wearing a slip? Nobody wears a slip anymore. I don’t even have a slip! Why are you wearing a slip?” And of course my daughter answered, “Because my mother makes me.” The more my daughter thought about this, though, the more she wondered if she was perhaps behind the times. So a day or so later she was with a couple of friends she’d grown up with who’d come to Birmingham to have lunch with her. She asked them, “Do y’all still wear slips?” The consensus: “Of course!” The reason why: “Because our mothers make us!” I am vindicated.

Future Cirque de Soleil performer

Literally putting your foot in your mouth...

Literally putting your foot in your mouth...Don't you wish you could do this? Grandson Nolan Thomas Behel practices for a potentially lucrative circus career.