Whaddyabid?

Chairs and other furniture at an auction in Tennessee

Chairs and other furniture at an auction in Tennessee

My mom tried to talk me out of going with her to an antiques auction this past weekend in Manchester, Tenn. “You’ll be bored,” she said. She knows I’m a one-and-done antiques-shopper: I take one turn around the antiques mall/estate sale/antiques shop and I’m done. But she takes her antiquing seriously —  and I’ve got a couple friends like that, too. They drive miles and miles out of their way to check a possibly interesting yard sale. Then they take hours and hours to examine Every Single Little Item at the possibly interesting sale. Of course, I come away empty-handed and they end up with bargain-priced treasures. That’s what happened Friday night at the Coffee County Fairgrounds when the contents of a going-out-of-business antiques mall were in the middle of a three-day sale. My mom had been Thursday and found some prizes, so I was intrigued with the chance to see her in action and pick up some secrets when she wanted to go back Friday. So, am I the only person who didn’t know how much fun auctions are? It was like a shopping trip, a history lesson and an evening of entertainment (how can auctioneers possibly talk that fast?) combined. I loved poking around the tables and shelves and boxes full of leftover antiques and junque. Then I sat, listened and learned: 1) Stay calm. 2) Set a bid limit and stick to it. 3) But don’t let anything you really want get away. I was awestruck by my mom’s smooth confidence and discerning eye. She would merely raise her hand a bit to bid. A horizontal slash of her hand meant a half-bid increase and a slight shake of her head meant she was done. But it wasn’t all sitting. My dad and I were the “toters,” grabbing paper and boxes to wrap up Mom’s successes — she likes glassware and linens (much easier to pack) — and then toting them out to the truck. Business as usual for my dad, but I was startled at how much physical labor antiquing demands. I got rewarded, though. My mom won this old McCoy pottery bowl I liked and then gave me one of three white-and-blue china demitasse cup-and-saucer sets she’d bought for my brother. Sold!

Future Cirque de Soleil performer

Literally putting your foot in your mouth...

Literally putting your foot in your mouth...Don't you wish you could do this? Grandson Nolan Thomas Behel practices for a potentially lucrative circus career.

Elizabethtown

For most critics, the soundtrack to Cameron Crowe’s “Elizabethtown” (2005) was a far, far better thing that the movie itself. I remember sitting through the Kentucky homecoming/Western road trip/journey of self-discovery film determined to watch Elf Boy to the bitter end (and can we all agree that Orlando Bloom is adorably cute but only at his best when surrounded by hobbits and/or pirates?) and making a mental note to get the soundtrack. And you know how useful mental notes are: Not very. Anyway, fast forward three years, and my brother serendipitously gives me the soundtrack for my birthday. Eureka! It’s wonderful, simply wonderful — better than I remembered. You’ve got Elton John, Tom Petty, Lindsey Buckingham, Nancy Wilson, My Morning Jacket, The Hollies and others with these deeply evocative and authentically rooted songs, including a hauntingly beautiful rendition of Stephen Foster’s 1855 ballad “Hard Times” by folk-rock duo Eastmountainsouth. Go to amazon.com to sample or to add to your collection.

Tupelo Travels

I’ve passed by this eye-catching yellow concrete-block building that advertises “pottery and ironworks” on Highway 72 in Burnsville, Miss., about a million times and wondered what it was. Today was the day I stopped to find out.  The business is called Image Wholesale Inc., and it’s made up of four or so barns full — and I mean stuffed full — of pottery and iron pieces from Mexico and Texas. This is a place to spend hours poking around on a treasure hunt, whether you’ve got a house to furnish or an outdoors spot to decorate. There were urns, vases, tables, chairs, candelabras, wall pieces, fountains, figurines, statues and all sorts of things that I didn’t know what to do with since my own personal style of decorating is Cat Hair Contemporary interspersed with Vintage Newspaper Stackage (Southern Living, are you interested?). Anyway, this place is open from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Tuesdays-Saturdays — just make sure you’ve got plenty of room in your vehicle to transport your finds!

And then, in Tupelo, Miss., I found the first ever Western Sizzlin Express I’ve ever seen. It’s at the Horizons gas station at the Eason Boulevard exit off Highway 45 South, which only has been opened a few weeks. This is like a grab-and-go mini-Western Sizzlin. You order at the counter — the menu has the usual steak and chicken entrees and sandwiches — and then you sit down at a booth or table or a bar-like counter and the waitress brings your food on actual plates with real silverware. Or you can order takeout. I was there at about 1 p.m. and the place was hopping. Folks who work around that area don’t have much to choose from when it comes to lunch, so they’re glad to add this option in to the meal mix. Plus, it’s great for travelers. You don’t often think of steak as fast food, but apparently it’s working here. Wonder if we’ll see more of these pop up?

For Women Only

As I was rummaging around in my bathroom drawer, I noticed a potential disaster just waiting to happen: Do these two tubes look dangerously similar to you? I’m guessing that you’d want to be wide awake and have all the lights on when you’re choosing which to use. Yikes.

Football Fun

Here are some excerpts from a chuckle-inducing e-mail (thanks, Jana!) circulating around about the upcoming football season. This first part documents the football differences of Northern and Southern fans.

Stadium Size:
NORTH — College football stadiums hold 20,000 people.
SOUTH — High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people.

Fathers:
NORTH — Expect their daughters to understand Sylvia Plath.
SOUTH — Expect their daughters to understand pass interference.

Campus Decor:
NORTH — Statues of founding fathers.
SOUTH — Statues of Heisman trophy winners (and championship-winning coaches).

Homecoming Queen:
NORTH — Also a physics major.
SOUTH — Also Miss America (as well as a physics major).

Heroes:
NORTH — Rudy Giuliani
SOUTH — Archie and Peyton Manning (as long as you mean “Heroes Who Are Currently Alive.” I think we all know whose name is in the “Heroes Who Are Currently Not Alive” category.) 

Getting Tickets:
NORTH — Five days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus.
SOUTH — Five months before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus, make a large financial contribution and put name on a waiting list for tickets.

And here’s another part of the e-mail, answering the eternal question “How many SEC students does it take to change a (energy-saving compact fluorescent) light bulb?”:

At GEORGIA: it takes two — one to change the bulb and one to phone an engineer at Georgia Tech for instructions.

At ALABAMA: it takes five — one to change it, three to reminisce about how The Bear would have done it and one to throw the old bulb at an NCAA investigator.

At KENTUCKY: it takes eight — one to screw it in and seven to discuss how much brighter it seems to shine during basketball season.

At TENNESSEE: it takes 10 — two to figure out how to screw it in, two to buy an orange lampshade and six to phone a radio call-in show and talk about how much they hate Alabama.

Anyway, if you want the whole thing, e-mail me and I’ll send it over.

Hip Prep

The print on this pretty silky top caught my eye in the window of Pink Pelican, the Lilly Pulitzer shop in Huntsville, Ala. (next to Fresh Market at the intersection of Whitesburg and Airport). It seemed like the perfect summer-transition-fall piece — and it was! When you think of Lilly Pulitzer, of course you think Palm Beach, pink/green and preppy. I fit none of those descriptions, but I fit into this top beautifully, so it had to come home with me. Besides, isn’t it important to overcome style stereotypes? I’m taking a stand for fashion, expanding my clothing vocabulary. At least, that’s what I’ll tell my husband, although he’ll point out that the only thing I’m expanding is my closet. So I won’t even tell him that also at Pink Pelican I found some of the best jeans I’ve ever put on: a pair of J Brand bootleg slim-fit mid-rise. If you’re like me and have trouble finding well-fitting jeans that look as if they were made in the 21st century, please give J Brand a try. You’ll be amazed. Poorer, but amazed. Visit Pink Pelican online at www.thepinkpelican.com

Hold the Bacon, Please

Huntsville, Ala., is bursting with fun places to eat — it’s really a joy to be hungry in the Rocket City.

A calzone at Moglie's, from the July 17, 2008, review at al.com

A calzone at Moglie's

 So when my older daughter Liz with her almost-five-months son Nolan and a friend of mine and I ate at the Italian pub-bistro Moglie’s in Huntsville today for the first time, I was enthusiastic about trying a new place we’d heard good things about. The verdict? Good cheesy food. Poor service. Here’s what happened: 1) We didn’t get waited on for almost 10 minutes — no water, no menus, no sign anyone knew we were there, no nothing. Luckily, my friend and I were catching up so intently it wasn’t a problem. But still. 2) Our appetizers came after our entree salads and several long minutes after the waiter promised “they’d be right out.” 3) Worst of all, the salad that two different waiters swore had no meat in it whatsoever came with bacon. We sent it back once and asked for a replacement, which also turned out to have bacon. We finally figured out that the bacon was in the dressing, not the salad, but the wait staff should have alerted us, especially since we specifically told our waiter the salad was for a vegetarian. Frustrating. I’m going to give the place the benefit of the doubt (New waiters? Problems in the kitchen?) and try again, but I need to be convinced. Our garlic bread was delicious, however, and the spinach dip was different than any other I’ve had lately: Whole spinach leaves in melted cheese surrounded by pesto — at least that’s what it seemed like to us. Moglie’s is in the shopping center at the Airport/Whitesburg intersection next to the Dollar Tree and is open 11 a.m. to 10 p.m. Mondays-Saturdays and 11 a.m. to 9 p.m. Sundays.

7.8 Pounds of Fall Fashion

If your mailbox has been groaning in protest lately, maybe it’s suffering from Fall Fashion overload. The combined weight of the September 2008 issues of magazine favorites “Vogue,” “Lucky” and “InStyle” is 7.8 pounds and total width (or is that depth — high-school geometry was so long ago!) is 2-1/2 inches. That’s a lot of fashion, but still, I guarantee you, come October I will stand in my closet and whine and complain that I don’t have a thing to wear. And speaking of, what is that thing Keira Knightley is wearing on the Vogue cover? I know that fashion designers have to be wildly creative and that these magazines are mostly fantasy and dreams (for those of us with TJ Maxx budgets, at least), but shouldn’t those fantasy and dreams at least be pretty and/or flattering? I’m just saying.

Michael, meet Carolyn

We moms, of course, are always on the lookout for Suitable Suitors for our daughters, and I’m wondering now about Michael Phelpsfor my younger daughter Carolyn. I mean, he seems like a nice boy — very polite and he’s nice to his mom. I’m guessing that now he’ll always have some sort of job, right? And Carolyn’s broken a few swim records in her time, too, let me tell you (hello, Athens-McMinn County YMCA), so they’d have a lot in common. But I heard that he eats a huge amount of food at every meal, so that’s a little disturbing. I mean, would Carolyn have to cook for him all the time? Hmmm….

Actually, in our family, “boyfriends” are called “bufferins,” and this is why: A few years ago, my two daughters and I were in somewhere together and Carolyn randomly said, “I need a boyfriend” and somehow I time-traveled back a couple of decades to when “aspirins” were generically called “Bufferins” because that’s all we had, so I heard “I need a Bufferin” and I immediately started searching my purse, saying, “I think I’ve got one in here somewhere,” to which statement my daughters looked at me very strangely. And, really, when was the last time I actually had a Bufferin in my purse? Do they even make Bufferin anymore? (Notice how I’m changing the subject here so you’ll stop thinking about how could I possibly confuse “Bufferin” with “boyfriend.” Did it work?!)

Best Michael Phelps joke I’ve heard (this is from Mo Rocca on National Public Radio’s “Wait Wait…Don’t Tell Me!”): “What will Michael Phelps do now? Go back to his regular job — as mayor of Atlantis.”