I hope you also are obsessed with the HBO series “Sharp Objects” because I HAVE TO TALK about it right now, before the final episode airs Sunday night & everybody who read the book will smile smugly on Monday morning & shrug & say, condescendingly, “I can’t believe you didn’t figure it out.”

Because I haven’t.

And it’s possible that reading the book wouldn’t have helped, because: “Gracepoint.” I know that “Gracepoint” & its superior older sister “Broadchurch” weren’t born from books, but the whole “Gracepoint” debacle highlights the folly of thinking you know how something ends because of the way the original version ended. (“Gracepoint” also taught us that David Tennant cannot do American.  A minor quibble.) But I do have “Sharp Objects” waiting in my Kindle app & I’m diving in at 9:01 p.m. Central.

So, may we discuss? Please? Thank you. Here are my random “Sharp Objects” thoughts:

• First, does anybody else think “Sharper Image” when you first think “Sharp Objects?” Nope? Just me?
• If Patricia Clarkson & Amy Adams don’t receive multiple award nominations for their performances, there is no justice in the world.
• So, whodunit? The Interwebs is full of theories & guesses about the killer(s?): Adora, Allen, Amma, John Keene & even Camille. But my pick is the sheriff’s wife–the character with the least screen time, the fewest lines & the most innocuous actions. She obviously is the killer because she’s the most un-obvious. I realize that this is a totally ridiculous an unpopular theory that nobody else takes seriously. However, again, I refer to the teachings of “Broadchurch”/”Gracepointe.” What did we learn from those shows? We learned that it’s always the most minor character, the most generically fade-into-the-background helpful person whose main lines seem to be “Sure, I can help you that.” That’s the person to watch out for. In both intensely gloomy Gothic mysteries & the office football pool. You’re welcome.
• And, finally, what is up with Missouri being all Southern? Look at any map of the U.S. and it’s clear that Missouri trends more mid than south. Also: St. Louis. I mean, Missouri is a nice place & has nice people but it is not in the South. (Let us not speak of Missouri’s unfortunate inclusion in the SEC, bless their hearts.) If “Sharp Objects” wants to be Southern Gothic, it should live in Louisiana. Or perhaps southern Mississippi or L.A. (“Lower Alabama”). Just sayin’.

So, there are my “Sharp Objects” ramblings, with a little David Tennant thrown in. Will you be in front of your TV screen Sunday night, ready for some answers? Or have you read the book & you THINK you know? Who tops your suspect list? Maybe we need a butler.